All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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