so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
