Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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