the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
