My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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