drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
