Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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