i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
