It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
