that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
