remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
