You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just pynch a tree in the face
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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