im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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