we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
