he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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