She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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