you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
