I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
