Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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