So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
