Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
