think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
