I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
