Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
