When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
