just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
