great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
