Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
