I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
