Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
