3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
