I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
