i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
