Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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