I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
