take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
