I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
