The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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