Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
