I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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