That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
