You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
