jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
