Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
