Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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