did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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