I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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