I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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