I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
