A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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