My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
