oh god the rape fog is back!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
