can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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