Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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